Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize