Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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