remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Come on in and take your pants off
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