you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
