i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
