After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
