At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
