I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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