Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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