Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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