dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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