And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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