Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
