I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
two words: eviction party
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Randomize
