Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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