I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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