Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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