What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
