The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
