You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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