ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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