does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
