Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
