Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
