i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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