the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
