I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize