ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
