Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
