I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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