Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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