What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
