That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
