well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I currently don't understand fingers.
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