he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
