I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
