I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
