And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
