she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
