Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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