totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
