Please, let me fuck your mom
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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