dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
