she was so not down for the gang bang
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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