Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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