At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
