and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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