he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize