Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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