So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
