I just saw a hot homeless man
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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