I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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