I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
