I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
