pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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