you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
