I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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