I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
