"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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