she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
