I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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