I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
