I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
