Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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