....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize