I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
