Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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