So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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