you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
