Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
