ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize