I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
