fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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