Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We left an ass print on the piano.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
