I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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