What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
