I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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