Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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