By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
