im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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