There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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