She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize