lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's paint friendship bongs
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
