thus making me awesome and them whores
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
