Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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