my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
