evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
