If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
