yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
