Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she looked like the before picture.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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