They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
