I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
