i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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