My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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