Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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