it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
