I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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