eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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