I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
