our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
