I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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