sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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