well you can't waste a boner
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
