you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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