i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
