I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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