Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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