This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he thought i was a dude.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
