AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we're so committed to being not committed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
