also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
