Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
