i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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