you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
