You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
