bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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