Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
