well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i think im in europe. pls send help
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
