It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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