what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
