I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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