Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
